Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
