So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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