You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize