I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
