He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
