I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
