her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
