No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
