never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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