Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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