Why are handjobs necessary in class?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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