Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
