Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
