Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
