The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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