Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
