I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
