For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize