just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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