I want to walk on stilts...naked
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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