i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
