I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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