I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
