How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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