You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
