If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
