I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
