totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
