Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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