That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize