i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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