im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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