You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
