got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think my moral compass just broke
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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