also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
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You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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