I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Is Oprah even human
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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