A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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