You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
