I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think your dad took our porno
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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