I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
