After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
