I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
