apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
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You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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