I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
