getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
