I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
