I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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