none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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