Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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