This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
