He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
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You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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