I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
