It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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