I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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