the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
