My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
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we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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