A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
